Thursday, April 1, 2010

It Ain't Always Sunshine & Roses

I know that usually I talk about how proud I am of Sarge and how much what he does means to me and really to society at large.

Today is not one of those days.

Sarge lives away from home Monday through Friday because of where his job is located. I choose to live here because it is an awesome place to live and raise my child. He lives there because he is able to continue to be a full-time soldier and do what he loves. We agreed some time back that one of us would make the trip to the other's location on Wednesdays. It is something I needed more than him, but I really needed it.

Yesterday, you might notice, was Wednesday. Sarge didn't come home last week because of a busy schedule at work. I didn't say one word and took it in stride. But, it was Wednesday again. He had said he was planning to come here. I did not make plans to go there because of that. Then I get the, "I'm not sure I'm gonna make it today" text. Turns out he had administrative work that was assigned last minute and two funerals that were given to them literally that morning.

My head understands all this. My heart hurts and I'm really kinda pissed.

I have given up any semblance of normal family life so that my husband can do what he loves and feels is his duty. I have sacrificed sleeping in the same bed with my husband, waking up with him, and just sitting on the sofa watching tv. Normal, everyday, things lots of wives take for granted.

I don't usually give myself pity parties. This is a life I chose. I knew who I was marrying when I married him. I moved to the small town we live in because my parents and grandparents live here and my husband has spent more than half our marriage deployed to various parts of the world.

I could totally move to where he is. But I won't. I refuse to give up a life I built while he was off serving our country. I life I built and that he said he would retire to over two years ago.

So, here I sit. Pissy. And it doesn't help anyone or anything, but at least I can vent about it here.

Thanks for listening.

The Sarge's Wife

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